to contact NAMI Tulsa:  918.587.6264
NAMI Tulsa
  • Home
  • About Us
    • Contact
    • History
  • News
    • Bulletins
  • Education
  • Advocacy
  • Groups
  • FaithNet
  • Resource Library
  • Funding

VIDEO: Picture Perfect: The burden on families and caretakers when we pretend everything is fine.

1/26/2017

Comments

 

Jon Press opens up about having bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses in his family. Do people ask you how things are going? He suggests responding with HONESTY. Here’s why:

Hey guys! It’s Jon Press for BP Magazine’s BP Hope online community.

I grew up with a sibling who had a serious mental illness.  My parents spent an enormous amount of emotional energy and money to get her the best treatments available.  But her choices and actions were often destructive both to herself and to our family.

My mother would often refer to these incidents as “private family matters”.  And I grew up actively keeping the secret.  It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized that the work of hiding a family member’s mental illness was both toxic and isolating, not to mention exhausting.

In 2010, I was hospitalized for my own struggle with severe, bipolar depression.  This left my wife reeling while trying to manage our 2 young daughters.

She did know who tell or how to ask for help.  Was this supposed to be another “private family matter”?  What would happen if our friends knew?  Our church?  My employer?  On top of this, her best friend and life partner wasn’t able to participate in the conversations or offer opinions.

Caring for a bipolar loved one can be extremely emotionally draining.  Author Anne Lamott wrote, “You own everything that has ever happened to you.”  It’s import to keep in mind that bipolar does not just affect the person living with it.  It impacts families. It’s happening to you – the caretaker. You need care and support too!

So what does this look like?

Process your feelings and concerns with a trusted advisor or therapist.  It’s natural to focus on your loved one’s issues and behavior.  But make sure to talk about your feelings and emotions too.  It might be time to talk about a few family secrets in a safe, confidential environment.

Figure out what fills your tank and be vigilant to carve out time for it.  Use this time to focus on something other than bipolar disorder.  Staying rested and refreshed can help you to avoid feeling isolated and prevent compassion fatigue.

As people became aware of our situation, people would say things like,  “Let us know if we can do anything.”  They legitimately wanted to help but didn’t know how.

So we learned to be specific when asking for help.  “Thank you so much!  Actually, we could really use dinner on Thursday.”  Honestly, it felt a little weird asking. We felt a little self-conscious. But hey – we got a great meal and some breathing room!

One more note about asking for help – despite the best of intentions, friends may not always follow through.  Resist the urge to interpret this as rejection.  Do your best to let them off the hook.  And ask someone else.

I’d like to end with a shout out to the friends and family members that support us. Thank you for your sacrifice, patience, and love!  We live better because of you.

Ok, so we’ve talked about some challenging stuff this week.  I’d love to hear how you practice self-care when caring for a loved one.  Share with us in the space below!



via bpHope – bp Magazine Community
http://ift.tt/2jkX0vP

Jon Press
Comments
    Picture
     Today, NAMI Tulsa is heavily focused on education, support groups, public policy, training, and we have developed lasting relationships with many local, state, and national agencies for the betterment of the care of our mentally ill.

    The views expressed in these columns come from independent sources and are not necessarily the position of NAMI Tulsa. We encourage public engagement in the issues and seek good journalistic sources which advance the discussion for an improved society which fosters recovery from mental health challenges.

    President Steve Baker

    2017 President of NAMI Tulsa.
       .

    Picture
    NAMI Tulsa News
    Education

    Archives

    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    August 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    November 2014

    Categories

    All
    Faithnet
    Smoking

    RSS Feed

Learning

Education
News
Bulletins

Connecting

About Us
Support Groups
Advocacy

Support

Resource Library
Contact Us
Join NAMI

918-587-6264

© COPYRIGHT 2015. NAMI Tulsa ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.