Something about anniversaries makes us reminisce and think of happier times.
This is the one year anniversary of my manic episode followed by the fog of depression that has only recently begun to lift.
It has taken an entire year to recover and I know I’m not done.
It’s also been a year since I stopped using alcohol to solve the problems I was suffering through.
I’m happy to report things are better than they were. I continue to face challenges but I know I’m stronger than I ever was.
I’ve lost weight and I’m finally start to looking forward to the future. I’m not scared anymore.
But how did I get here?
She single-handedly saved my life.
She stuck around through the outbursts and rage. She witnessed awful things.
I have come to terms with the fact that there are things I cannot take back. The things I did and said were never meant to be personal but they hurt nonetheless. It was the disorder talking, not me. It was like I had been taken hostage by my own mind.
But I know I must take responsibility.
It must have been excruciating for her to watch me struggle. And I recognize now she was struggling and there was nothing I could do to help her.
Every action she took was out of love. She simply would not give up on me and to this day I am grateful beyond words.
She assembled my pills when I couldn’t.
She took care of nearly every detail of running a home when I was not able to help.
She drove me to my doctor appointments and sat with me asking the doctors questions about how to help me.
She didn’t give up on me when that was all I could think of doing.
Our marriage is stronger because we have endured the worst life has to offer. And I am sure there will be more times when I will need her and she will need me. I am confident I will be able to support her as she has supported me for so long. Together we are better than we ever were and that ultimately impacts our children in such monumental ways. They saw their parents tough struggle through tough times and emerge intact.
Despite all the pain and hurt that my family and I endured this past year, I found I could get up and get better if I asked for help and more importantly allow others to help me. My wife was there to help me up. Trust me, nobody can do this alone. I’ve been doing that my whole life and it simply doesn’t work.
via bpHope – bp Magazine Community