“Jump and Figure Out the Rest on the Way Down.” Many people with bipolar disorder can relate to these words. We tend to act without thinking about the consequences of our behavior. I wouldn’t recommend this strategy if you are planning on going skydiving! These words were on one of the months of my calendar. I took a picture of it and posted it on social media sites.
These words pretty much described me when I get hypo-manic or manic. I react very quickly to everything that happens to me during the course of the day without pausing to figure out how my behavior would affect others. My ego takes over when I am hypo-manic. I am so full of myself that no one can bring me down. Even increasing my mediation doesn’t seem to do the trick.
Luckily for me, these extreme highs are in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I still get hypo-manic but it doesn’t happen as frequently now because I am medication compliant and I know when to call my doctor to get a reality check.
Gone are the days of running to emergency and feeling out of control. It’s been 21 years since I was diagnosed with bipolar and the last 10 years have been relatively easy. Stress is what always brings on an episode now and I am pretty quick to figure out what is causing the stress in my life. I can usually eliminate it fairly quickly, even if it means quitting a job.
I still like to live by the seat of my pants and trust that everything will always work out. These days I put a lot of faith in a higher power that I call God. I try very hard to listen to that little voice inside of me (figuratively) and follow through on what it is telling me to do.
Last fall I had to quit a job because it was taking too much out of me. I was completely drained of energy for over 6 weeks. If I had of listened to that little voice inside of me the day I started working there I had a feeling of dread as I drove to the office. But I needed the money to pay my bills. It took me over 2 months to find another job. I was close to having to sell my home. But I prayed every day to God, asking him how I could pay my bills so I could stay in my home that I have worked so hard to own. The company I am working for now found me through my advertising on the internet.
I will continue to abide by the words, “Jump and Figure Out the Rest on the Way Down” for the rest of my life. I don’t fit into someone else’s mold of how a person should live.
This is my life and I won’t apologize to anyone for living it the way I see fit. I have worked too hard to get to this place of well-being.
And just for the record, I did go skydiving once. But I put my trust in an expert skydiver and went tandem. It was a heck of a fall and I would do it again if given the opportunity. The adrenaline rush was amazing! And isn’t that what everyone who has bipolar is looking for; the adrenaline they feel when hypo-manic!
Lynn Rae
Writer & Keynote Speaker
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via bpHope – bp Magazine Community
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