I was talking with my sister this week about how difficult it can be to watch
two people, who care very much about each other, be so critical towards another.
That got me thinking about WHAT is the difference between helping
someone and hurting someone.
WHAT is the line that once it gets crossed it switches?
In one approach, we are observing & offering feedback.
In the other approach, we are judging & verbalizing those judgments.
How to tell if WE are crossing the line?
I think I’ve got the answer!
When we are “observing” – we are focusing attention to the situation and
noticing behavior WITHOUT personalizing it.
When we are “criticizing” – we are focusing on THE PERSON and NOT the
situation or the behavior.
It is possible for us to unintentionally be critical!
It all comes down to the words we’re using.
When we use the word “YOU” it automatically PERSONALIZES things, even
if we don’t intend to!
THE best way to offer feedback is by focusing on the behavior / situation
and leave the word “YOU” out of it!
An example of the difference:
“I noticed you didn’t take the garbage out.” (focus = person)
“I noticed the garbage wasn’t taken out.” (focus = behavior / situation)
Paying attention to the words we are using is how we can tell if we are
crossing the line!
What are we to do when others criticize us?
1st – Don’t REACT to it. (click here for Carol’s WordTool)
2nd – Respond to it: “That’s interesting.” **
**(We can’t change other people – so don’t even try to!)
OBSERVING – is offering feedback which can be helpful!
CRITICIZING – is offering judgment which can be hurtful!
Share with us below how you deal with criticizers.
~ To Living Well TODAY! ~
via Esperanza – Hope To Cope
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