While it is great to be supportive of someone who wants to “dump” or vent about their problems, it’s also important that you let them know when it’s not a good time for you.
It is sooooo bad, it brought her to tears talking about it.
She shared how she’d been at work a few weeks ago after returning from vacation, had tons of work to catch up on, but instead…
She found herself listening to a co-worker go on for 1 hour “dumping”. Oh, how I could relate to her!
When I started working 15 years ago at the hospital, we were such a dysfunctional treatment team we had to do “group therapy” with our manager & the inpatient social worker!
Back then, I used to be the worst communicator with anyone other than a patient!
I was the queen of being passive aggressive… meaning I would just give you the silent treatment for 2 days if I was angry or upset with you.
So, I saw what my contribution was to the dysfunction and am proud to say the whole situation really helped me grow in to a healthier communicator!
I wished I could have said the same for my 4 co-workers.
One of the biggest changes I made had to do with being “dumped on.”
Since we can’t control other people & make them STOP—we have to be the ones to STOP IT!
This doesn’t just happen at work.
Sometimes those closest to us, like family & friends, can be the biggest challenges.
So, I want to share with you the LifeTOOL I told the person I was speaking to yesterday about.
It involves saying this one particular phrase when a person starts “Dumping”:
“I’m not able to talk about this right now.”
There are two keys to this phrase working –
- “I’m not able to”: a person’s brain will allow this in! As opposed to saying, “I don’t want to”, which the other person’s brain screams ‘What? What do you mean you DON’T WANT TO? Don’t you care?’
- “Right now”: This lets people know you will talk about it, only later.
Practice saying this phrase over & over till it gets very comfortable coming out of your mouth.
One more thing: sometimes you also have to become the “interrupter”.
If you are waiting for the other person to pause or take a breath, you could end up like this woman did, getting “dumped on” for a full hour.
One thing I’ve learned, once people get to talking, or as I like to call it, “spilling”, they don’t stop.
Here’s what you say to “interrupt” so you can use this LifeTOOL:
“Excuse me for interrupting, I’m not able to talk about this right now.”
So go ahead, give this LifeTOOL some practice, and I am sure it will STOP you from getting “Dumped On”!
~ To Living Well TODAY! ~
via Esperanza – Hope To Cope
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