You may feel guilt is holding you hostage, but it can help to remember you don’t need to feel guilty about something beyond your control.
By Carol Rickard
I was speaking about stress at a caregivers support group this past week.
At the end of the discussion, one of the questions I was asked: “How do I say no to my daughter?”
The woman went on to explain how in the past, when her grandchildren were born, she’s gone to stay with her daughter and help out for the first couple months.
Her daughter, who is pregnant, is talking about how much she is really going to need her mother’s assistance when this child is born.
The problem is:
The woman is now caring for her husband who had a stroke and is unable to be left alone.
So I role-played as if I were she:
“Honey, I loved being able to help you with the other children. Unfortunately, circumstances are different this time due to your father’s stroke and I am not able to come this time.”
The woman went on to role-play her daughter: “So when are you coming?” noting her daughter DOESN’T take NO for an answer!
As I pointed out HOW the circumstances prevented her from going, we got to the bigger issue:
“I feel guilty.”
GUILT is one of the most powerful emotions--people can be held hostage by it for years.
So, the LifeTOOL I shared was this question:
‘How is it to feel GUILTY about something which is BEYOND your control?’
Many times, guilt doesn’t even belong because there was NOTHING you could do or do differently!
The other key point I made:
When people KNOW you have a ‘Guilt Button’, they will continue to use it as long as it keeps working!
The self-work to do: ‘disconnecting the wiring’ to your ‘Guilt Button’!
Stay tuned to next week’s post—I’ll tell you exactly how to break free from your ‘Guilt Buttons’!
In the meantime, tell me who pushes your ‘Guilt Button’ in the comment section below!
~ To Living Well TODAY! ~
via Esperanza – Hope To Cope
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