by Carol L. RickardIf I could only give you one LifeTOOL – Communication would be it!
If we stop for a moment and think about it, it is next to impossible
to go through a day in life WITHOUT communicating!
Oh sure, if someone is isolating themselves away from the rest of the
world they could do it…..
However, to be an active participant in LIFE requires communication!
I’m also a firm believer that the better the quality of our communications,
the better the quality of our relationships.
So I want to share a formula I used to teach my patients and I currently
teach to the hospital staff.
Before we get to the formula, I want to highlight the one word that can
interfere with our communications more than any other word: “YOU”!
I think this word is the invisible equivalent to a pointing finger!
It can leave people feeling instantly DEFENSIVE.
When people are DEFENSIVE – they turn their ears off!
Whatever you have to say will not be heard.
This is why I’ve never understood why they taught the old formula:
“I feel _____ when you _____.”
Yes, it is an “I statement” – yet my brain still hears the YOU buried in
the middle & gets defensive!
So here is my new formula for better communication:
“I feel _____ when ______ (what’s done or not done!).”
Let’s look at some examples in action. See which feels better to you:
A) I feel angry when you say you’re going to do something & you don’t do it.”
Or
B) I feel angry when something’s supposed to get done & it doesn’t get done.”
Here’s another one to try:
A) I feel hurt when you talk about me behind my back.
Or
B) I feel hurt when there is talking behind my back.
Can you feel the difference?
I hope so!
Like with any other LifeTOOL, the more you practice the easier it becomes!
~ To Living Well TODAY! ~
via Esperanza – Hope To Cope
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